A Real Man

My question today is: “What does it mean to be a real man”?   That’s a hard question.  I recently asked two friends that question, and I have to tell you, I got blank stares.   It’s a hard question because we tend to drift along in life and never think about it.   We drift along with this fuzzy concept of manhood that we never really nail down.

In his book, “The True Measure of a Man” Richard Simmons ( not the Richard Simmons who wears the Tutu)  uses the term “false masculinity”.  What he means by that is that we as men are prone to get our identity, our sense of worth as a man, from the wrong sources.  He believes that we as men often define ourselves by what we do, who we know, how much money we make, what we own and so on.  When any of those things are threatened, we find our world falling apart.  It stresses us.  Why?    Because, deep down, we worry that without our trappings of professional success, status or wealth, we will not be considered a man.

To compound the problem, we pass this lack of clarity on manhood down to the next generation. Teenage boys are constantly told to act like men. To Man up.   The only problem is that most fathers never give them a real clear definition of manhood and their lives end up being shaped by the culture around them.  As a consequence, they fall into the same trap that many of us do, letting their self-worth rise or fall with their paycheck, the car they drive, their athletic prowess and so on.

I readily admit, that it is hard not to be drawn into this type of thinking because we live in a culture that is obsessed with getting affirmation from performance and achievement.  Tim Keller, the senior pastor at Redeemer Presbyterian in New York City, says that we are the first culture in history where men define themselves this way.

It has not always been this way.  Prior to WW II and maybe for a generation afterward, men would get their identity and sense of worth as a man through family relationships and by being known as men of character. 

Let me give you an example.  I remember growing up in McCormick County.  My Dad was a rural mail carrier who also had grown up there.   There weren’t many people in the county that did not know my Dad.  Wherever I happened to be as a teenager, if I ran into an adult who wanted to know who I was, and I told him my name, the reply was invariably, “Oh, you’re Gray’s boy.  I know your Dad.  He’s  a fine man”.  I was automatically given status and identity based on a family relationship with a man of character.

In the decade following WWII, as families became scattered, men turned other things besides family relationships in a search for identity and the meaning of manhood.  Unfortunately, they turned to the things I mentioned earlier.

In the social mobility of the post World War II economic boom, we became a consumer driven culture.   We began to define ourselves by what we could buy.   On top of that, not only were we consumers, we became conspicuous consumers and we measured ourselves not only by what we had, but what the guy next door had.  Advertisers tapped into our fears that we somehow did no measure up unless we had a certain product, convincing us to buy homes, cars, and all types of things, not because we necessarily need them, but to make a statement to some audience whose opinion we valued.

It has been said that  “a man gets his identity based on who or what in his life is most important to him”.   I happen to think that is somewhat true.  So the question is:  who is my audience?  What or who have I empowered to determine my value and worth as a man?

Lately, another factor known as  “The Graphic Revolution” has come into play.  Television with reality shows and shows like “American Idol”, the internet with You Tube and Facebook have become an integral part of our culture.  We now have the power to make average people doing average things “famous”.  We are a culture that thrives on celebrity.  We want to be noticed.  We have become more image conscious and less quality conscious.  American culture has become more interested in the appearance of success and not so much in the quality of our work and our character.  Studies show that American men would rather be envied for their material success and fame that respected for their character.

So if that us the problem, how do we solve it?  So how do we reorient the basis for our identity?  Remember the quote, “a man gets his identity based on who or what in his life is most important to him”?

What if we as Christian men determined that that “most important person” in our life was Jesus Christ and the most important thing was to please Him?  What if we got our sense of identity, our sense of worth from the God of the universe sees us?  What would our identity as a man be like?   Well, if , and only if, you have yielded your life to Christ and He is Lord of your life, God tells us how he sees us.

If we got our identity in Christ, we would not have to worry about performance because we are already accepted.

     Colossians 1:14 says that we have been redeemed and forgiven of our sins.

     Ephesians 2:18 says that we have been adopted as God’s child. We are the Kings Kids.

     1 Corinthians 6:20 says that we have been bought with a price and we belong to God.

If we got our identity in Christ, we would not have to worry about external circumstances, because we are already secure.          

Colossians 3:3 says that we are hidden with Christ in God.

     Romans 8:36 says that we cannot be separated from the love of God.

2 Timothy 1:2 says that we have not been given a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, love and a sound mind.

If we got our identity in Christ, we would not have to worry about significance because we are already significant.           

     Ephesians 2:10 says we are God’s workmanship.

     1 Corinthians 3:16 says we are God’s temple.

If we want to be the men that God designed and called us to be, we have to buy into the fact that the One who made us determines our identity and worth as man.   God doesn’t love us because we are valuable, because we have status, wealth, etc.   We are valuable because God loves us.

And what is the proof that God loves us?  The fact that He sent His Son Jesus into the world to save us.   Jesus stepped down into history and and was willing to pay the penalty that we could not pay, so we could have eternal fellowship with a God who loves us with a passion beyond anything we could imagine.

Now I asked “What does it mean to be a real man”.   I’m sure there are dozens of definitions, but here is one: A real man is an adult male whose character conforms to the character of Jesus Christ who got His sense of identity from His Father.  Think about it.  Jesus, fully God, fully man, walked this earth and He had every virtue worth emulating.  He was loving, so much so that he wept openly on occasion; He was not ashamed to cry.  He was compassionate, serving those who needed help.  He was humble, not seeking His own glory but the glory of his Father.  He was honest, saying that He came to testify to the truth and claiming that He was the truth.  He was a loyal friend, restoring Peter after Peter had failed Him.  He had incredible physical courage: John Wayne once said that being brave is being afraid and saddling up anyway.  Jesus spent an agonizing night in the Garden of Gethsemane and He saddled up anyway.  But the most important virtue that Jesus possessed was that His sole purpose in life was to honor His Father in Heaven regardless of the consequences.

Would that we answer the call to be such a man.